omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize