How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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