I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize