Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
