Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
