can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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