Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
