He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
