he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize