I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
