if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
