im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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