Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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