why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
