I hate your face
two words: eviction party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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