i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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