I'm passing your future prison.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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