RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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