i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
