it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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