the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
