Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
