I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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