Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
