I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
