I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I checked into jail on foursquare
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
