Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
