Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
