just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
