I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
