Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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