xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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