How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
