If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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