And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
