which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
