We named our party play list daddy issues
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
