woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
