dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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