yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
