I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
