I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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