I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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