Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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