I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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