i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
