ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
