We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Me. At least after what I've been through.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
