come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
