She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize