walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
