Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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