You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize