Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
