she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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