Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
please don't ironically join a cult
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