why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
