Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
