it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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