Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
