The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
