Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize