I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
