i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
