I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
