I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
