Farmville is her only friend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
