Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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