What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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