i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize