i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
