If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
