There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
