I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize