Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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