You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
