This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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