oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
