What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
