I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
