apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
