So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
