This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
