Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
