he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
