ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
