He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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