and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
