So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
