So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
