So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
