My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
