Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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