Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
